Attack of the MarySues! Naruto!
by DPAK
Summary: Y'all can thank the plot bunny for this one. What happens when Naruto and company have to deal with an invasion of MarySues? Well, read and find out. Rated for language. Some mild shonenai and implied yaoi. Yummy.


**Attack of the Mary-Sues! The Introduction**

In their many universes, anime characters only think that they live their lives in peace... Well... at least as peaceful as giant robot fights, explosions, missing limbs, and overall carnage can be. They go through their lives blissfully unaware of the approaching danger.

Yes, our beloved anime characters had no idea that they were being watched. The Mary-Sues, a horrid, mostly illiterate species, were lustfully watching our favorite heroes and villains and wishing that they were in those worlds and able to have hot, hot monkey sex with those characters. They plotted how to invade the many universes of anime and finally they came up with a brilliant idea. They found that, with pen and paper or even Microsoft Word, they could use words to form sentences and eventually fanfiction as a portal to these other worlds. They entered by the thousands, claiming to be sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, and even (DUN DUN DUN!) lovers.

And thus the invasion begins...

**Chapter One! Naruto- Part One!**

Naruto Uzumaki, age fifteen, thought that today would be just another day of shuriken dodging and ramen devouring. He was not aware of the sheer chaos that would soon invade his world. He was aware, however, that there was a cat on his head. He lifted the small, black kitten off of his head and held it in front of him. "SasuKitty, how many times do I have to tell you... my head is not a bed."

SasuKitty mewed happily and Naruto grinned. He could not stay mad at his precious SasuKitty so he sat the cat down. SasuKitty promptly ran to the window and laid down in the sunlight.

"You stay safe, SasuKitty. And protect our home from those evil bugs. Believe it!" Naurot yelled, making his way out of the apartment. He locked to door and practically jumped down the stairs, heading to the city street below while humming a random tune. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he cringed, having heard the most horrendous sound ever.

"LIK OMG!"

Naruto stared at the person... girl... thing in front of him. She had dark red hair and enormous brown eyes and... gigantic cat ears(?!). She also wore an outfit remarkably similar to Sasuke's... only it was pure black. He continued to gawk at this she-creature in front of him and she began to blush.

"OMG! Stp staring me Naruto! i no im pret but u r making me blush. LOL!"

"She must be foreign." Naruto said aloud before waving politely at her. He cleared his throat and proceeded to speak loudly and slowly. "HEL-LO! MY NAME IS NA-RU-TO! WHO ARE YOU?"

"Lik me name is jillyjne8742 n i luv u."

"That's nice." Naruto stared and nodded, trying to decipher what she had said. "Well... I guess I'll be seeing you around."

He started walking away from her. He got a feeling like someone was following him and stopped, looking over his shoulder as he did so. The crazy chick was trailing him.

"r u go-n 2 c saske? i luv saske 2. can i cum?"

"... Sure?" Naruto said with a high level of uncertainty. He thought he heard Sasuke's name mentioned and assumed that was who the girl was talking about. The girl proceeded to squeal and he cringed. He swore that that girl's squeal sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

"LIK OMG!!!111!!! OMG OMG, i git 2 meet saske! LOL OMG!"

"Yeah... ummm... I'm supposed to meet everyone at the ramen shop... sooo... Let's go"  
---

"HEY SASUKE!" Naruto tackle-glomped the Uchiha, who promptly glared at him.

"Get off of me. Narutard!" He shouted, pushing the other boy.

"lik LOL! u r soooooooo fune saske!" The girl-thing chimed in.

"Who's that?"

"Some foreign chick." Naruto got up and offered a hand to Sasuke, who swatted it away, getting up on his own. "Where are Sakura and Kakashi-sensei?"

"I'm here, Naruto." Sakura threw her arm around Naruto's shoulders, causing the fox to blush.

"Oh... h-hey Sakura." Naruto said, embarrassed.

The new girl glared daggers at Sakura, intense hate fueling the fire burning inside. "lik git away from hem sakura u slt!"

"What did she say?" Sakura stared at her, dumbfounded.

"I dunno." Naruto shrugged. "I think she's foreign."

"...Right"  
---  
The gang plus one had already ordered their food and were eating whenever Kakashi stumbled in.

"You're late as usual, Kakashi-sensei." The three chuunin said at the same time.

"...I had some... business... to finish." He said plainly. "Yes... business."

"lik OMG!!!! kakashe! i m ur dawter!"

Kakashi stared at her, puzzled. "Excuse me?"

"i sed im ur dawter!"

Kakashi turned to Naruto and pointed at the girl. "Does she speak English?"

-MEANWHILE-

Gaara glared. Glaring was what Gaara did best. He had smiled once and his sister had almost died of fright. Apparently, he looked creepy when he smiled. Not child molester creepy but the 'I'm gonna kill you then use your skin for lampshades' creepy. He did not do 'sad' either. Crying left his face all muddy. So Gaara just glared... it worked for him.

Gaara glared at the road before him. Gaara glared at the squirrels that were scampering and the birds that were twittering. Gaara glared at the flowers in mid-bloom and the swaying trees. But most importantly, Gaara glared at the squealing life form that was babbling before him. If glares could kill, her head would have exploded by now... and her ruptured... and her stomach melted... and her spleen... you don't want to know about the spleen.

"OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! i luv u sooo much gara! OMG! n i is so sxy! i sxy lik u! i no u tink im sxy. ltz go 2 ur place n u ken hav ur way w/ me! OMG! b gentil tho, im a vergn. OMG! i is goin 2 hav sx w/ gara! n gara is goin 2 luv me 4evr n we git mareed n hav 4--!"

Gaara, being very impatient and frustrated with the girl's gibberish, covered her mouth with sand. He squeezed a little and the girl cringed.

"Say bye-bye..."

-MEANWHILE-

Naruto finished up his fiftieth or so bowl of ramen and fell back into his seat, rubbing his full belly. Sakura and Sasuke stared at him in disgust.

"OMG naruto! u eet mor then ne1 i no!"

The group stared at the giggling girl.

"..." came the collective response until Sakura broke the silence. "What did she say?"

"I think I heard my name!" Naruto said excitedly.

"OMG!" Came a cry from the doorway. "its sask! he luv me n i luv hem!"

At the door stood a new... new female. This one had blond hair and red eyes. She also had extraordinarily large breasts. I mean HUGE cantaloupes... Scratch that... they were some big-ass watermelons! This chick must have to wear a back brace or something, her boobs were that big. With bazookas that big, you would think she was smuggling a human being into the country.

Boob-girl ran over toward them and not a single person could help but stare at her giant boobs bounce as she did. Once she made it to the table, she grabbed Sasuke and smothered him in her over-sized bosom.

"OMG sask! i luv u! jst lok my big boobs! u luv them n me, rite?"

Sasuke struggled, trying to free himself from the cleavage before he suffocated. Naruto saw this and pulled the Uchiha out of the grip of the evil breasts. The fox pulled him close to his own body and glared at the big-breasted chick. Sasuke, gasping for air beside him, clung to the orange jacket.

"Are you stupid or something? You could've killed him!" Naruto shouted.

"OMG! i is so sore sask!" Boob-girl tried to touch the dark haired bishie, but Naruto slapped her hand away. She looked at him, shocked and with tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Waaaaaah! naruto! u r so mean! i is jst tryn 2 say sore!"

The original new girl hissed at her. "dun u call naruto men, u slt!"

The over endowed girl glared at her, hissing as she spoke, "u r teh slt, u mary-sue!"

"i is so not a mary-sue! naruto luvs me n i is kakashes dawter! but saske don't luv u so u is teh mary-sue!"

And with that said, a catfight broke out. Cell seven just stared at the fighting girls.

"Now might be a good time to leave." Kakashi commented and his students nodded in agreement. They used their elite ninja skills to escape unnoticed from the restaurant and moved onto the town square.

"OMG! It's Kakashi!" A girl with angel wings flitted over to them and landed in front of the sharigan warrior. "I'm am your daughter, Kakashi!"

"...Then why do you have wings?" The jounin said after thinking about this claim.

"Because my mommy was an angel!" The girl responded, disgusted. "You should remember this kind of stuff! She was very pretty and you loved her very much."

"...I think I would remember if I had sexual relations with a celestial being."

"Maybe you were drunk, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura added. "Iruka-sensei says you do strange things when your drunk."

"At least this one speaks normal and isn't trying to smother Sasuke." Naruto grumbled aloud while petting Sasuke.

Said ninja growled at Naruto and swatted at his hand, "Quit it, Naruto! I'm not your dumb cat!"

"SASUKITTY IS NOT DUMB!" Naruto shook his fist at Sasuke.

"Then why does he drink out of the toilet?" The Uchiha asked, slightly irritated.

"So what if he does? He's still my Sasukitty and I love him very much!" Naruto crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out at the other male.

The angel-girl giggled, "You are so cute, Naru-chan."

"N-NARU-CHAN?!" Sasuke stared at the girl in disbelief before grumbling, "He is not _your_ Naru-chan."

"Oh, didn't you know, Sasuke?" She looked at him, confused. "Me and Naru-chan are a couple."

Everyone, including Naruto, stared at her, their mouths dropping.

"We love each other very much. Ain't that right, my li'l Naru-chan?"

"B-but..." Naruto started, bewildered. Sasuke interrupted him, pointing an accusing finger at the fox.

"**NARU-CHAAAAAAAAN**!" He yelled, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. (So OOC, I know). "You!... You slut! Did that night mean nothing to you?"

Now everyone gaped at Sasuke and Naruto turned several different shades of red. Sasuke decided it would be a good idea to keep ranting, "You said I was your one and only! I let you take me and you... you go to this... **winged-whore?!**"

Naruto tackled Sasuke, hissing slightly, "Listen, Sas-**UKE**! I just saw this girl at the same time you did. I am not having any sexual relations with that woman!"

The angel-girl began to cry, "Nooooo Naru-chan! You can love that bastard! You love meeee!"

She struck a pose and pretty sparklies appeared around her. Naruto got off of Sasuke, mesmerized by the sparklie...ness.

"Pretty shinies..." The fox stated in monotone.

"That's right, Naru-chan. Follow the sparklies..."

Naruto inched closer to her. Sasuke tried to stop him, but the fox crept on. He was to hypnotized by the sparklies to see anything else. He had almost made it to her when he felt something warm and wet splash on his face. Naruto snapped out of his trance as the angel-girl fell on top of him. The future hokage stared down at her. A well-aimed shuriken was lodged in the back of her skull. She was... She was...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD! SHE'S DEAD! SHE'S DEAD!" He screamed and threw the limp body off of himself. "THE DEAD CHICK TOUCHED ME! SHE TOUCHED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

While the number-one, hyperactive ninja was panicking, the rest of cell seven were preparing for another attack.

"Wait! Don't attack us!" A boy shouted as himself and two others stepped into sight.

-MEANWHILE-

Gaara entered his house, drenched in blood. He was headed for the shower when Temari stopped him.

"Gaara, were you... 'playing' with the stray dogs again?" She asked.

"So many... girl-things..." Gaara shuddered. "They just kept coming... thousands of them... All wanting sex... Just horrible..."

He pushed past a sighing Temari and headed into the bathroom. She shook her head as Kankarou entered the room.

"That boy just isn't normal!"

"Look, Temari, how many times do I have to tell you: if you want all of your teddy bears to keep their heads, you need to hide them better!"

END ATTACK OF THE MARY-SUES! NARUTO PART ONE


End file.
